This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
