i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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