I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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