Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
