All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
