New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
