I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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