Swine flu. Run for my life!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
