I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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