As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
