you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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