Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
