Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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