if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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