i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
