I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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