I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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