i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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