I wish I could punch you in the face.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
