TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
