last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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