I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
