we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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