no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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