I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
