thus making me awesome and them whores
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
