If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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