first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
