My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
