don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize