WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
