Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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