Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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