so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize