I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
