THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
