dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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