I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
