And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
