Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
