I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ttyl tear gas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
