Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
