mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
