I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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