In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
