...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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