i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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