Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
