is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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