dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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