honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
