There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
