Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
