Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
