did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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