Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
