The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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