If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
