you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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