If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
