My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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