hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
