Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
