Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
