I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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