Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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