I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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