he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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