Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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