Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
