my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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