just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
