Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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